jeremiah 29:11

I wrote out an email to my husband this evening, praying for the Lord to direct my thoughts. I still worry about how it will be received, but I am trusting God with it. It was a letter of encouragement, I felt led to do it......Anyways I was closing the letter with "our life verse" I feel that Tony and I were given that verse about 6 years ago from a couple that we are very fond of and who have such wisdom. Well as most of you know, the verse begins with, "For I know the plans I have for you, " says the Lord, "They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Now that part has stuck with me for a while. And I have read the rest of the verses that follow in the past. But until today I haven't read them and thought really hard about them. Today I continued to read......"In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me. "I will be found by you, "says the Lord, " I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and bring you home again to your own land. " Okay, now I am not a bible interpreator. But for me, right now, those words spoke such depth to my spirit. Because right now at this point in my life, I am struggling daily....I believe that God is (literally) giving me the grace to get through each day with out falling completely apart. But to read.....You will find me when you seek me....I will listen......He is listening to me, I know this, I am finding Him in so many places! And I believe the end of that verse is for me and my husband. I believe that he will bring us out of captivity(this mess we are in) He will restore us, although it is a journey right now, and that He will bring Tony and I "home again....." I just feel as though we have gotten lost and I feel that we have drifted so far from "home" and I feel that Jesus in His almighty power and grace will bring us back. It could take days, months, years, but I believe in full faith that He will show us the way back home. So my friends, hold fast to the truth. Know that God is walking beside you in this journey and He knows everything about what you are going through. He will give you the grace to get through each day, although it may seem like baby steps....it will happen. You know at Christmas you see those signs...Believe( I think they mean in Santa Claus) But just think of the power of that one word, believe.......Just believe....Jesus is the name we need to call on, just believe, He will pull you through. And regardless of what is taken from you, realize that He will NOT be taken from you................................................................that there should be our hope.....and our comfort......

funny

I have a friend that tells me often to speak out against the enemy and not to stand for things I do not agree with. Now I know that the enemy does not make us do things and we do this by our own free will. I do not blame the devil. But I do know that the enemy is always near and I do know that we fight him off on a constant basis! Anyways I just have to laugh, because this afternoon I was thrown for yet another big blow. I am amazingly at peace right now, I know it is God because I at times feel like I am literally going under and can not breath. So right now regarding my latest issue, I am at peace! That makes me feel so good. So after calling a friend for some counsel and meeting with her in town, bless her......I feel as if God spoke to me through her. Driving home, singing 'Glorious one, Glorious one, light of the world you outshine the sun" I just broke into prayer and then yelled out to the enemy that he has no part here and he will not control my life or my husbands and he (the enemy) needs to get out and get behind me! He will not destroy my family and he will not take over my husband. My husband, my family belong to God! I yelled this, now this is crazy to me, because I have never done anything like this and I felt like God was right there beside me cheering me on! Looking at me and laughing with me, because as if to say, "Finally Jill, you are letting it go, let it go and let me have it." It felt so good! Okay so you all might think I have completely gone off the deep end after this post. But you know what, God is our anchor, our support, our comfort, He will not leave us, He will not let anything come at us that we can not handle. And the enemy well he literally can just go to hell!! Yes he has no business in our lives. So do not be discouraged, take heart and know that God is on your side and He loves you!!!
So this is what peace feels like. Girls I know that I am rambling, but I am so thankful that God has given me this peace right now at a time when I should be crumbling. He knows just what I need..................................................................................

doubt

Many of you know that this is a difficult season of my life. I wanted to share with you what God has been pouring into my heart this week. It comes from James.

James 1:6-8 But when you ask, you must believe. You must not doubt. People who doubt are like waves of the sea. The wind blows and tosses them around. A man like that shouldn't expect to receive anything from the Lord. He can't make up his mind. He can never decide what to do.

I like this translation, although it might seem a little harsh.....I feel that God wants us to be bold and "ask boldy, believeingly, without a second thought...."

I catch myself going to that place where I think, I can fix this, I can fix this situation, I can convince this person! Well friends, I can't. I have been battling with this for years, and I do believe and pray, that because of this place that I am in, it was almost a warning from God. I believe with my heart that God wants me and I have been so unwilling to give Him "me" Am I willing to totally and completely trust in Him? Would I be so bold and trustworthy as Jesus was when He was tempted and resisted the devil?

Well right now I have confessed with my mouth that I will stop. I will stop fighting, I will stop challenging, I will give in to my Lord and Savoir, this is the only way to find true peace. I so desperately want this, true peace. So I am letting go, letting go of many things, not to list here, but just know I am completely and wholeheartedly giving this to God. I am listing this on here to be accountable to you all as well. Because I without a doubt am asking God for a miracle and I do believe He will give it me........I just need to trust Him. Am I willing to do that, yes........I want to be released from all of this madness and know that my joy and peace can only come from the Lord......

can i really do this

Some days I just don't know if I can do this.........Ever feel like that? I know the way to go, the things to do, that I need to pray and I need to depend on God, I know this, but today I just feel so overwhelming sad about the circumstances and I guess you could say a little fearful. I am not any better than anyone else, and yes God can change my circumstances, but He may not change them the way I want them to be changed. So today I have a heavy heart. I think it is just difficult being in a new place, a new season and having to let go of someone for a while, that someone being your best friend, the one you shared everything with. So now when your heart crys out, I must cry out to Jesus. I do, but I so long for restoration.................and for physical arms around me to comfort me. But for now I must rely on those heavenly arms, and remember that my Jesus is who I need. I feel like the little engine that could, ha, ha, I think I can, I think I can.....Crazy I just got that picture in my head........

not alone

You know it's funny regardless of how many friends we might have or just how big is our support system, we still tend to feel alone. I was just chuckling to myself when I realized how many friends I have on Facebook, 140 some. Crazy......But I feel alone today, I have for the last few days. But I know that God is my sustainer and with Him I am not alone. I have to remind myself of that daily, especially lately......Daily right now sees more like monthly to me. But as a friend pointed out to me today, I am not alone in this struggle, God is directing my path. I am a woman based on feelings and emotions, so it is very difficult for me to grasp onto God and the fact that God is right there with me. I thrive on attention, as sad as that seems, many of us do I know. But when I have a friend there talking with me, hugging me, telling me it is okay, I feel better. I think God has pulled me out of my comfort zone for a reason, He wants me to grasp onto Him rather than running to others, to tangible things. So for now I will walk with "my head upward, one foot right in front of the other, and take one day at a time, with Him guiding me. Pushing me along at times I am sure, but I rest assured that He is there holding me up when I "feel" like I just can't take another step.

The boogey man

God is bigger than the boogey man........As a good friend of mine put it and of course the veggie tales......................How many of us believe this? Of course we sing along with our children and laugh at the silliness, but you know what, as silly as this song is, it is so true. We must stand up for what we believe in. We must realize that what we are going through is a season, granted not all of our seasons are wonderful, but God has the ability to bring us through them. But are we willing to let Him, or do we just want to run and hide? He will prevail through it all, are we going to hang on to His promises? After many incidences over the last week, I have to say that He has gotten my attention. I have questioned, I have pondered, I have wondered if I was doing the right thing, only to have God say, Knock, Knock? Are you there? I am in control can't you see that? Are you willing to lay down your life and surrender?
I am just so inspired tnite after reading my friend Angel's post. She is on the right over there of bloggers that I read. Go read her latest post and clink on the link to another amazing blogger to see what inspired me. I would link it but I don't know how. But it is a true testimony of faith and it will inspire you to realize that we are not alone.
As sisters in Christ we have to remember that even though we might not be able to fix each others problems or offer the best wisdom, sometimes the best thing to do is just to be there for them, to encourage them, to pray for them fervently. I know this because I am there girls. I feel sometimes that I am walking through the shadow of death, but I have to laugh at myself because I am at such peace with my circumstances right now it is almost scary. But I know that it is completely God. He has used so much over the last week to show me that my husband will be okay, my marriage will be okay, I will be okay, my kids will be okay. Just keep giving it to Him, surrender your life, die to yourself.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, your perfect love is casting out fear, there will be an end to these troubles..............O Lord you never let go.........You never let go of me...........And guys He really doesn't, oh how He just holds us. Remember the Footprints poem, He is carrying us, literally. Sometimes I don't know how I got out of bed that morning, we'll guess what, He was there. Sometimes I don't know how I drove to IN with my kiddos and said okay, God your will be done, but you know what, He was there. Sometimes I don't know how my husband's heart will soften, but God is there, slowly kneading out the pains, He will not let us go, I don't care what you all hear, He will NOT!!

worn out

Well guys I have too admit, I am worn out. Physically that is, emotionally a little. I started a job today. Kind of because I want to but then kind of because I have to. I am going to be cleaning houses. This is my second day, and I was actually "out in the field" Crazy as it may sound it literally wears you out and takes a toll on your body. I know that I will get used to it, they say I will. But combined with how things have been going lately, this tiredness is a big emotion. Like I told my daughter, I just want to go lay down and cry, that kind of tired. I think it is just my emotions though really. But the good thing is, I think I will like this job, I know I am nuts, but it keeps me busy, and I don't have time to think. Because I am contstantly moving!
Anyways God is really working on my heart right now in the issue of waiting on Him. Knowing that I can't fix everything, and I just need to step back and let God handle this. I know that He will. I know that I can be strong, but I also know that I am weak, but He is strong. I just need to keep reminding myself that He is my strong tower and I will not crumble. He is my strong tower and I will not crumble. Anyone else need to hear that? He is your strong tower, you will not crumble. Don't believe me, ask me, I have experienced this. He just keeps picking you up. Remember that. When you are weak, He is strong. When you feel like you can't go on, He is pulling you through. When you are lonely, He will use others to reach out to you, or He will show Himself to you. This might be His way of saying talk with Me, look to Me. He is there, He is there. I need to here this as much as you all do. He is there. He will never leave us or forsake us, He is a God of miracles. Don't forget that, you are not living in "fairy tale" land, but you are believing God for a miracle. I am, i don't care how long it takes, I know that my God is bigger than all of my problems, I know that He will deliver me and He will deliver the ones I love. He will, His promises are real, someone shared that with me once. His promises are real.