Just plain tired, but resting in His strength

You know that you are hearing from God when you get a "full circle" confirmation. I believe that over the past few days God has spoken to me in little voices. He knows how to get to me. He knows how I am and He knows that I need the information right in front of me in order to get it. Although my situation looks bleak, I will not grow weary because I am resting in Him. He is giving me grace each day and He knows when I can't take another step because He is right there beside me reminding me, this too shall pass, I am bigger, stronger and faithful to pull you through.
Sometimes I just want to be sad, I want to question, I want to fret, but He steps in and shows me a new direction to go. I have to constantly remind myself that He is all I need. He is all I need. I feel like I am taking a big step here. I am making a commitment to reallly let go. I am backing off and leaving well enough alone. I am moving on to what God has for me now and what God's will and desire is for me right now. I will no longer worry about what I can't change, what I can't determine, because it does nothing but bring me down. I will trust the Lord. I will get out of the way completely and let the Holy Spirit work. It will be extremely difficult for me, but I feel that God is showing me this is the only way, I am the only way out of this mess. I am, He says......Jill you can do nothing but pray and wait and stand, stand with me holding you up. So I am not giving up, but I am letting go and letting God. Whether or not that results in my way being met, it doesn't matter, because His ways are not mine, His ways will be met, and regardless of the outcome, He will be glorified as a result. He will turn broken into beautiful, He will carry me through, whatever the outcome.
Am I tired, am I weary, yes.....But I am resting in Him. It is the only way. I have to rediscover who I am in Christ. Who am I and what does God see? What does God want from me as a result of my brokeness. How can I fufill His purposes right now, what would He desire me to do? I am going to find out.
Someone once wrote these words, " We all have only one life to live in which to live by faith in God, to trust in Him and rest in His peace when we are tempted to panic." And ladies, I am so tempted to panic right now, by letting go of what I hold dear. But sometimes you have to let go.....I can't go back and change the past, I can't undo what I have done and failed at. But I can accept responsiblity for my actions, I can repent to a Saviour is so willing to forgive me. I need to restore my life with God, this is personal, between God and I. Our lives are not our own. God gives us this life. "Life is not about finding happiness, it is about living a life worthy of the Gospel because of a sinless Saviour who died for us."
I can only continue to pray that God will work a miracle right now. I believe He can, I am in faith that He can. So I have to be willing to get out of the way and let God be God in this situation. I want to focus on His plan and not my comfort level when things get hard. I want to live a life that seeks Jesus instead of a life spent looking backwards. Lord give me the grace to endure this race..........................

Mighty to save

Saviour you can move the mountains, my God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save.....
Do you believe this? I believe this with my whole heart and I am standing on this promise tonight. This day was a new day for me, a new beginning. God is going to work in a mighty way, I feel it, I know it, I believe it.....Could be in a day, month, a year, I am not sure, but all the events that have happened over the last two days is showing me to hang on and not let go. This morning our pastor started a new series about getting real with God about our addictions. Addictions can be anything really, not just smoking, drinking, etc. But he asked us to think of an addiction that we have that hinders us from God. Funny, immediately I thought, can my husband be an addiction? Meaning, I have looked to him as "my god" and not God, I have put so much pressure on him over the years to get us out of our "messes" rather than put my dependency on the Lord. Which all of this resulted in a slow downward spiral....which I won't get into tnite. But I came up with worry as my number one addicition. As the sermon came to an end we prayed at the end and he asked us to raise up our hands as an act of surrendering our addiction to Him(of course all eyes closed:) I felt a release, a power that was of God, as if God Himself is saying to me in my spirit, finally Jill just release it to me, i will and am in the process of taking care of it....trust Me and only Me, not yourself, not Tony, not anyone else, just me.
That was this morning, this evening I went to a "mini" retreat with a friend, she had invited me. Well we sang the worship song, Mighty to Save, and another one I am not sure of the name, but the chorus which just kept repeating all through the night....."There is no one else for me, No one but Jesus, Crucified to set me free..." It would not leave my mind.....This whole "learning process" for me is too realize that Jesus is all I need, that is it. I have got to come to this realization. I have to. I feel I am getting closer and closer each day. I am realizing that I have no control, ultimately. He is in control. He can take everything from me and I will be okay, He is all I need. Look at Job! Am I any better than Job? Am I any better than anyone, no! So the worst can happen to me, yes, do I want that, no...But I know that God will protect me, He is all I need. Whether or not He changes my circumstances, it doesn't matter...He is all I need....Whether or not He gives me my miracle, it doesn't matter, He is all I need. Until I come to fully realize this and fully depend on God, I will get no where. People, wake up realize this now and not when it is too late, He is all you need. You will not live a perfect life, it is not about that.....He will deliver you, He will take care of you, He will carry you when all you have left is nothing.......He is all you need. Right now, I believe that my Jesus is all I need.
As sisters in Christ I am sharing with you my heart. My friend gave me a word tnite, I believe it is confirmation and I am going to share it here with you all...."I hear your cries, says the Lord, Your shouts and your tears. It is time that you speak that mountain down into a molehill. use your voice and authority in My name to release what the enemy is holding from you. He has no power but the power that you give to him. You have My power within you to cast him into the sea." So right now in agreeance with her I believe that this day was from God, all of these events leading up today just tossed into one. I am claiming that Jesus is all I need, I am letting go of doubt, and climbing up that mountain, whether it kills me or not. I am telling the enemy to back off, this is not his family and I will not, I will not stand for it anymore, he can seep in and feed me lies but I will come at him with "Jesus is all I need." Jesus is all I need and I see that now. I hate that it has taken me this long to get here, but our God is a God of second chances. He is mighty to save and He has saved me and He will save my marriage..............

Okay

Just had to let you all know that i am still ticking! Somebody had asked me in a message today if I was okay....Kind of funny to me, no I am not okay, but God is making me okay. Funny how when one obstacle in your life is so prominent and then another hits you smack in the face.....But it pulled my focus off of me and helped me to focus more on someone else for that matter. Putting much of my time and energy into the life of one person that I dearly love over the last week, helped me to see this life is not my own. It is God's. It is how I choose to live this life that will matter. It showed me that the most important thing to hang onto is love. No matter how much you want to close the door, shut that person out, give up, or just crawl into bed and not get out. Love will pull you through. That love comes from God. He loves us so much and He longs for us to realize that and receive it. Why are we so blinded, why do we question Him? He has us here on this earth for a reason. We may not understand why we are here. We may not understand what purpose our lives are serving right now, but what we fail to realize is regardless of the season we are in, the state we are in, He has a reason. We may not find out until the day we are with Him, but we have to trust in Him. God is bigger than my circumstances, God is bigger than all of this mess I have created, God is faithful......It is well with my soul, I lift my hands to a greater God that we serve, It is well with my soul, I sing this as strong as I can, It is well with my soul, I smile through the tears because I know, It is well with my soul, He floods my heart with such peace, although it is breaking. He alone can mend it, He alone can mend my broken heart, because He knows what I need, He has what I need, I just need to reach out to Him, through the tears, through the pain, through the anxiety, through the sadness......It is well with my soul.................

"So be truly glad! There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while. These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold...and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." 1 Peter 6-7