Falling Forward

It's kinda crazy when the past ten years of your life you have been a stay at home mom. Loving every minute of it. Taken from different season to different season. Whether that be changing diapers, running ragged, keeping up with four under the age of five:):), homeschooling, public schooling for a season, back to homeschooling(feeling like this is your calling-only God has other ideas), back to public schooling, dealing with constant movement of boys:):), dealing with the beginnings of preteens(need I say more), getting to know your kids on a whole different level, getting to know your marriage on a whole different level. Being appreciatitive of going through some major roller coasters in your life, only to come out charging and knowing that God is ultimately in control and no longer fighting it, but finally realizing it. Oh I get it now, God!!!
This season of my life is like the beginning of a new journey. With my youngest entering Kindergarten in 20 days:) my oldest beginning 5th grade with a heart so big it could bust........This is a new season, am I ready for it? Am I ready to face the challlenges that each day holds? As tempting as it is to say,"God I have it under control", I must not. Because I don't. I have so many things going through my head right now. I am wanting to go back to work. At first I wasn't sure doing what, thinking I only had a couple options, but now many are being presented to me, very hard to decipher what to do. But I know that I have to trust God completely and He will show me the direction. So for now in this season I will begin a new journey. After coming through a major valley, I have come to realize that I must depend on God with all of my being. I must. So for those of you thinking "I can do it on my own" don't be fooled. It is not worth it. It is not worth going through your entire life falling backwards, yes the Lord will still pull you through. He will. But wouldn't you rather fall forward into His loving arms, with Him there to catch you, all the while He is guiding you. Hard, yes extremely, but God demands our obedience, He loves us, He wants us to love Him and put our complete trust in Him. I can do that with a little help from my friend who I call Jesus, can you?

Jibber Jabber:)

Kind of funny how as women our emotions go crazy at times! But then when everything feels like it is coming to a screeching halt, God surprises us. I have struggled a lot over the last few months with some unspoken things. But I really feel like it was a "wake up call" for me. You know those things called second chances? Well our God is a God of second chances. He loves us so much and just waits patiently for us to realize it. I still struggle with grasping the fact that this unseen being loves me and billions of others. I know that I have to be careful not to fall back into my old ways and rely on people to make me happy. I need my focus to stay on the ONE who makes it all possible when it honest to God seems so very impossible. But I am moving forward, I will not look back, I will keep going. I will not let the past get me down, I will believe that God will change me, I will continue to grow. I will not let my emotions get the best of me, but I will believe that I am being shaped, molded, pruned, picked. I will continue to fight the fight because I know that the rewards are endless.
In other news here, I have discovered I have such a love for the city. I love the energy, the passion, the scenery, etc. Tony and I ventured downtown for a date night last night. It was our first date in quite a while and I was honestly so nervous. But we had so much fun. We need to remember that even though we have been married for quite some time, we can still have fun. We can let our hair down and just get crazy:):) Anyways, I think we have found some great babysitters, I think this will help as well!
The kids are doing so good, I have realized over the last few months that we are very blessed. When you can take four children(10, 8,6,5) with you to get your hair cut, driving all over town to find a cute outfit to wear that evening, then to the grocery, and then back one more time to see if you can find a better outfit, and literally not have any major meltdowns or issues....That says something about your "babies" I love them and I am so thankful for them.
Anyways I love all of you that read, thank you for all your prayers, your encouragement, your advice, your truthfulness(no matter how much it hurts), you are all my yada yada sisters in Christ! Althoughthe journey is not over, although the journey is still jagged and rough....although the journey could fail, I will not be discouraged, because God is leading me in this journey. If I fall I know that He will continue to carry me through.....................

Where Your Heart Belongs

You lost yourself in finding out
the wonders of the world will let you down
You gave yourself to those who never cared about your soul
They only cared for their own
It seems everyone has left you

You're not alone, I hear you call
And I've been waiting here for you through it all
You're not alone, come to the cross
And let me show you where your heart belongs
You're not alone

You've been down the darkest roads
and you know just how it feels to lose your hope
But don't give up on everything
when everyone has given up on you
And it feels like everyone has left you

You're not alone, I hear you call
And I've been waiting here for you through it all
You're not alone, come to the cross
And let me show you where your heart belongs
You're not alone

I will never leave you
Come back to my open arms
To the only love you need

Mainstay--Where Your Heart Belongs

Being real

Life is not about getting everything you want. Life is not about having all of your wants and needs met. Just because we believe in God does not mean we are going to have an easy life. You can have the best life and everything you need and want, but still want more. Trouble will find you, not matter what you believe. But God gives us a choice, are we going to let the situations we are in control us, destroy us, or are we going to perservere through them? Are we going to lean on the One who gave us life, who gives us life daily? Are we going to depend on Him although we can't see Him and we feel as if we are suffocating? It's our choice, but God wants us.......He wants our whole heart, not just some or the part that we feel comfortable giving Him, but all of it. As I was worshiping this morning at church I felt the Lord just say to me, "Let go, give me Tony........" Rather than feel like I can make things better with my husband, with our marriage, with our life, He wants me to let go and give it all to Him. He will surrond me in perfect peace, He promises us that. I believe that with my whole heart. Do I get discouraged, do I get angry, do I get tired, of course I do. But I am realizing now that my life is not my own, my children are not my own, my husband is not my own, they are God's. These are His gifts to me. What will I do with them, control them, micromanage them, or let God be in control and guide me in the right direction.
It is funny whenever I am in a pit in my life I lean on God. This time more so than ever. I pray in full faith that God would keep me where I am and draw me even closer to Him during this time. But I also pray that when victory is in sight that I will remember it was all God, not me, but Him. I want my passion to be real and on fire even when I am not knee deep under water and I pray that God will help me to wake up and keep moving forward and farther beyond what I thought was impossible. I feel that I am supposed to write this, to be "real" with the people that read my blog. To let you all know that my life is not perfect, I am knee deep underwater, I feel at times that I am suffocating, but I am okay. Why, because my Savior is carrying me through and I know that He will restore no matter what the situation. Because He is faithful and He will not let me go.

something new

Saw this on a friend's blog-thanks Angel, looks like fun, why not? I figured out how to copy and paste, a major accomplishment for me...........

1. Where is your cell phone? On the counter
2. Your significant other? Coming home soon
3. Your hair? Always changing, strawberry blonde this time:)
4. Your mother? Supportive
5. Your father? Patient beyond belief
6. Your favorite thing? Being loved
7. Your dream last night? Horrible
8. Your favorite drink? Milk with sugar free vanilla syrup-thanks Shanda
9. Your dream/goal? to be free
10. The room you’re in? Rearranged again:)
11. Your church? draws me in
12. Your fear? Letting go
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? A changed and free woman of God
14. Where were you last night? Outside trimming bushes:(
15. What you’re not? worryfree
16. Muffins? chocolate chip
17. One of your wish list items? A closet full of size 10's
18. Where you grew up? P-town
19. The last thing you did? let the dogs out
20. What are you wearing? t shirt and shorts
21. Your TV? never satisfys
22. Your pets? whining for reasons I don't know
23. Your computer? Working
24. Your life? an uphill climb
25. Your mood? melancholy
26. Missing someone? myself
27. Your car? doable
28. Something you’re not wearing? my jewelery
29. Favorite store? Old Navy
30. Your summer? A challenge
31. Like(love) someone? Most definitely
32. Your favorite color? Heather gray
33. Last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? last night
35. Who will repost this? Anyone that wants to make me smile:)

Go ahead have fun, try something new............I did.............