How often do we have to remind ourselves that daily surrender is a must.........I went back and reread my post "falling forward." While I must admit that I have been falling a little backward lately. Only because things get good and I think okay I am doing okay, but yet I have pushed God behind....again........Can anyone else identify? Sometimes I feel like I am on my own here, and no one else does this. Why do I call out to God only during the hard times, why do I push Him away when "man" is pleasing me? Why do I think I can journey on my own? I don't know. I actually do, I am a selfish human being, aren't we all? Can I admit that, not easily. Do others struggle with their self worth? Do they feel that it comes from their husband? If there is turmoil in that area, do you feel like a failure? (Okay I am being very open here....) Sometimes I just need the love of my husband and the affection from him to make me feel worthwhile and when that is not being produced I feel awful. But I shouldn't because I should remember that God loves me unconditionally, but for some reason I can't grasp that, I almost don't believe it.........So honestly I know that deep down I am a child of God, but I don't "feel" it and this is what makes me crazy.
So this is quite an honest post I have to admit, but sometimes I feel alone in this. We are alike as women, yes we have many similar issues: being needy, always wanting more, we're emotional, we depend too much on our spouses, etc....But is this an issue that I am alone in, am I crazy? Maybe the first step is admitting my failures before you all. I need friends that are going to be real with me, friends that are "God with the skin on" So you will not hurt my feelings by any means in your honesty.
I do know that God is faithful, I know this........but sometimes I know that He brings us to a breaking point until we wake up and realize what we are doing, the question is how far will He go?
Family is Everything
About Me
- jillian4
- Orlando, FL, United States
- I am a wife of 14 years, mother to FIVE, yes five amazing children, God has turned the broken into beautiful, I love running, almost an addiction, I love food, primarily chocolate.....
2 comments:
I have asked all your questions - many times.
To answer your last question...how far will He go? Phillips, Craig and Dean sing a song that says, "He'll do whatever it takes". I believe that to be true.
Two steps forward, one step back,
Joy
I know I'm about 2 years late in commenting, but since I've just begun reading your blog (as you know), I think it's ok to chime in late : ) Anyway, many of these issues are definitely mine too. You're not crazy or alone here. I don't think it's human selfishness that takes us from clinging to God when "man" makes us satisfied. In my opinion, God is everywhere and this includes inside each one of us. When "man" (e.g. your husband, your kids, others) make you happy, this is also God...the issue is just whether you're centered on God or working with all different pieces of God that are mixed up with human issues. Of course I think it's best (like you) to live focused on and centered in God. It's hard to always stay there - it takes practice and I'm no where near where I want to be. When we're not centered in God, things get messier because of human influence. But God's still there, of course.
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