emotions

So here I am again....makes me think of a song, "here I am again on my own, dum, dum....can't remember the words, but can hear the tune in my head....Sometimes I think God has put this blog in my path to force me to be real with people, considering my closest followers are following me and that you all are real with me. And who knows who and when this post will be read since I haven't even been on in months.

So lately I have felt alone, in the sense of not having God near. I know it is a season. Sometimes it is during the drought seasons that I feel closest to God. I get lost within my self and get in self pity mode. Ever since I have had Elijah I feel that my moods are so sporatic. It is like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. One minute I am up and then I am down. And I hate it. I don't know if I can blame it on the birth control, the extra hormones, the "new baby" adjustment, the changes taking place in our life right now. But there is no excuse for any of it, honestly. I have everything I ever wanted or needed, so what is wrong with me. I have five healthy beautiful children, I have a marriage that has been restored and know full well that my husband loves me. I have an extremely supportive husband, extremely supportive parents and in-laws, a roof over my head, food on the table, plenty of "me" time, so what is the problem. Well that is my dilema. I should be happy. But I find myself being very angry. I feel as if I am looking down from above and wanting to pull myself out of this cloud.

I am overweight, I think this is a big part of it. I want to lose weight and i have been exercising almost every day, but my food consumption is my biggest challenge. I have lost a few pounds here and there consistently, but when you are over 200 pounds, it's exhausting. It makes me quesiton is it worth it, I am so tired, especially after exercising.

So I find that after venting sometimes it helps, sometimes I just need to vent and whether it be to people or cyberspace, sometimes I just need to be real with my emotions.....so here went something:):)